A Few Little Funnies

A friend sent these to me and I thought they were funny. Enjoy.

• Nothing sucks more than that moment in an argument when you realize you're wrong.
• I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
• There is great need for a sarcasm font.
• How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet.
• Was learning cursive really necessary?
• Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I am pretty sure I can get out of my neighborhood.
• Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
• I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
• Bad decisions make good stories.
• You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
• Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BlueRay? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
• I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
• "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever!
• I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring "Hello, Hello? Darn it.", but when I immediately call back it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
• I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
• I keep some peoples numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
• I think the freeze deserves a light as well.
• I wish Google Maps had an "avoid ghetto" routing option.
• Sometimes, I watch a movie I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
• I would rather carry ten plastic grocery bags on each hand than take two trips to bring my groceries in.
• The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
• I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
• How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said.
• I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters.
• Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and dumber each year?
• There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
• As a driver I hate pedestrians and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation I always hate cyclists.
• Sometimes I'll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
• Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone and pinning the tail on the donkey - but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from three feet away in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.